"One bite won't kill you!"
"Come on… live a little!"
"Like you need to be on a diet… you're already so skinny!"
If anyone has ever said those to you, you've had experience with a food bully.
A food bully is someone who attempts to push his or her ideologies, preferences, beliefs or traditions around food on you. There are lots of different reasons they do this.
- They really enjoy this particular food or tradition and want you to enjoy it with them.
- They still want to make your food choices for you (Mom and Dad we love you but we’re grown up now and can make our own decisions!)
- They think your decisions are unhealthy.
- They just don’t understand why you’re choosing to eat differently than them or differently than how you used to eat.
- They want to feel better about their bad choices.
But at the root of all of these reasons is probably a really great person that loves and cares about you. This person likely has the very best intentions but despite that can still make you feel uncomfortable and can still start a scene when they push certain foods on you.
The result?
- You don’t enjoy yourself because you either need to be confrontational in saying no, or allow the other person to pressure you into saying yes.
- Everyone feels awkward. You, the food bully, and everyone else in the vicinity.
- You start avoiding get-togethers with these individuals that you really love (aside from the food bullying) just so that you can avoid a confrontation, and for just once… not have your “new diet” be the center of attention.
What should happen…
You should be able to choose the foods you want to eat at social encounters. These foods are the ones that best align with your dietary choices and current health or weight loss goals. Maybe you avoid gluten because you feel absolutely horrible afterwards (bloated, constipated, acne, headaches), or maybe you are trying to lose weight and are monitoring your overall sugar consumption and fruit intake. Whatever the reason, it is your reason, and that’s more than enough.
Keep in mind that we are not saying that you should never eat off track.
It’s ok to indulge.
Just make sure that your decision to eat off track is a decision you came to on your own, that you accept that it was a missed opportunity for a nutrient dense meal but that you enjoyed it anyways! Just be careful to not impulsively cave under pressure and abandon your goals because you wanted a food bully to back off.
Next time you encounter a food bully why not try one (or more) of our top ten tips to help you say no with confidence and certainty.
1. Never lie to a food bully. Don’t say you aren’t hungry when you are actually starving. Don’t say that you have celiac disease just because you want an easy way out of telling people that you are choosing not to eat grains.
2. Avoid using the word “diet”. Even though technically all the word diet means is the food a person habitually eats. Instead, describe the way you eat as “eating the foods my body is designed to eat”, “eating foods that make me healthy”, or “eating foods that make me feel good and give me energy”.
3. Avoid talking about what you eat or don’t eat in front of other people that are clearly not making the same decisions as you. It can naturally make the other person uncomfortable if you tell them how horrible grains are for their digestion and health as they’re shoving sandwiches into their mouth. Not that the information isn’t true or that the other person shouldn’t hear it, but that moment may not be the best time to make a big impact on them. And if you really care about them and their health, choose another time to enter into that conversation.
4. Eat before you go. If you know that there’s going to be nothing but off track food at the encounter make sure you eat a substantial By Design meal before you go. It is always easier to give into temptations when you’re hungry.
5. Bring your own food. If you’re attending a party or family dinner offer to bring a dish (or two) and don’t take no for an answer. This may be the only food you eat all night. Instead of bringing a mixed green salad, opt for a heartier By Design meal packed full with protein and fat. And do your best to make something that everyone else will be willing to try (skip the new liver and onion recipe you found online!)
6. Change the subject… often and quickly. You don’t need to dodge questions about how you eat, but you know the people in your life that are food bullies. When you recognize them looking for a fight quickly change the subject to something non-food related. Even better, ask them a question that gets them talking about themselves. Because really, who doesn’t love talking about their awesome new job, their kids, or their most recent vacation.
7. Say that you aren’t hungry. Just be careful not to violate tips one and four.
8. Explain that eating certain foods just doesn’t make you feel great afterwards. Who in their right mind is going to keep pushing after you’ve admitted that eating grains/dairy/refined sugar/alcohol makes you feel absolutely terrible? (Hopefully no one!)
9. Lovingly push back. This is especially important with family… because we all know they are our most persistent food pushers. Family may require a heart to heart and a more thorough explanation as to why you are choosing to eat this way. Remember to acknowledge that you are grateful they care so much about you but the way they can show their love best is to support your decision. Tell them that this would mean a lot to you to have their support.
10. Practice makes perfect. Saying no to food bullies gets easier and easier with practice, so stick with it and don’t get discouraged if you do end up giving into their pressure. Consider next time another opportunity to practice tips one to ten.
I hope you found these ten tips valuable and that they will serve as a voice of reason next time a food bully has you cornered.
For more simple By Design recipes why not pick up your copy of the Eat By Design Cookbook. I’ve created it in the form of a 28-day meal plan (plus grocery lists!) so you don’t need to think about what’s for breakfast, lunch or dinner for the next month. Or you can grab the first 7 days FREE by clicking here.