Just so we're clear... Happiness is: "The state of consciousness that precedes from the achievement of one's values."
The biggest mistake I see people make when trying to increase their happiness is they don't follow their own values...
They use other's values, judgements, thoughts, and ideas as their standard for determining their values.
If you ever want to be truly happy, what you absolutely need to kill is using other's (their values, their opinions, their beliefs, their standards) as your standard for achieving happiness.
Because if you don't... your own happiness will forever elude you.
Howard Roark summed it up best when he said:
"I have, let’s say, sixty years to live. Most of that time will be spent working. I’ve chosen the work I want to do. If I find no joy in it, then I’m only condemning myself to sixty years of torture. And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible to me. But the best is a matter of standards—and I set my own standards. I inherit nothing. I stand at the end of no tradition. I may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one.”
This can require a lot of work... especially if you are having a hard time identifying valuea that YOU want to pursue.
The way I see it, one of the major reasons you are having a hard time finding values you want to pursue is simply because you are not using your own standards of happiness... You are using societies, your parents, your faiths, etc.
What I'm not saying is that your parents or your faith's standards are bad... what I am saying is that you really need to think and study hard before you accept any standard as your own. It's ok to disagree on things. As the developer of chiropractic said, "conflicts clarify."
So with all that out of the way...
The most important question you have to ask yourself is, "why?"
I know it sounds ridiculous... and yes, I'm essentially asking you to become a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, 7-year-old...
Let's try this method out and see how it works...
Pretend you are speaking to a friend and they are talking to you about a new business or career that they have started, for the sake of ease let's pretend they are a teacher.
Let's pretend you've met this friend for coffee and you can tell they are super excited about teaching. They make it sound fun, great, rewarding, and they make more money than you do.
You leave the coffee date and in your car on the way home, you think...
"Maybe I should become a teacher?"
Of course, there is nothing wrong with that train of thought, BUT the first question you NEED to ask right away is...
"WHY?"
"Why do I want to be a teacher?"
Suppose you answer....
"It will bring me more respect, and people will take me more seriously." Or something similar.
Take a moment and read that response again, since it is one that I often hear people say when they are considering new things....
My questions to you would be:
Respect from who?
Who would take you more seriously?
And the most important...
Why do you care about respect or being taken more seriously from that person?
Most of the time you have accepted other people's standards as your own...
In this case, it can mean... "I will be able to buy a bigger car or house. My friends will think I'm smarter or more popular, Maybe potential partners will view me as better."
Unfortunately, you've adopted most of 'societies' standards or success and you will NEVER find happiness this way.
Another really simple example is having children...
I'm shocked at how many people have children, not because they want them, but because their parents want grandchildren, they think it's just the next thing they 'should' do, and 500 other reasons NONE of which have anything to do with that individual's values, only other's values.
Just so we are clear, again, there is nothing wrong with a bigger house, car, wanting a partner, having children, or any other value...
The point is don't blindly accept other's standards.
Instead, think long and hard about what you want and why you want it and make sure that it brings YOU happiness.
ACTION STEPS
1. Spend time with your journal every day. If you are looking for something to write... Just write "3 things I am grateful for today." Do it at the end of your day. Just before you settle in and watch some Netflix. It will take you literally 5 minutes and you will develop an amazing new habit
2. Whenever you get the itch... that "I really (want to, have to, go buy... itch) ask yourself "why" first. This will help you begin to understand whether that thing is something you want based on your standards, or based on other's standards.
3. Begin developing your mind to seek and find things that make you happy, while not hurting, or harming others.